Effective Communication for BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism)

Spanking, tying up and punishing all look very polished in adult movies. We can’t stop ourselves from being awed by the discipline exercised by the master or mistress, the punishments that follow and the sequence of events that lead to great sex. BDSM shown in the movies and featured in erotic novels is always well organised and properly controlled.

BDSM beginners

When novice couples try BDSM at home, they are likely to face many problems. Sometimes, these problems make the moments tragic, hilarious or unromantic depending on the situation and the type of communication they have. If you have BDSM on your mind and your partner gives consent for it, there are certain things you must keep in mind. BDSM warm-up, understanding and communication is very important before you incorporate fun and games into your sex life.

BDSM warm-ups

Communication, warming up and foreplay is important for all types of sex, even if it does not involve bondage and punishment games. Communication between partners is especially important for couples who are new to BDSM. Bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism all involve one of the partners to be a top or a dominant and the other to be a bottom or a submissive. Tops or domineers normally do all the instructing and organising whereas bottoms or submissives merely obey the rules or commandments. This makes the work for a top more difficult because he or she is responsible for the events that take place in BDSM games.

Here are a few things to be remembered by tops to keep things under control:

• Get into the mood by catching some BDSM movies
• Wear latex/spandex clothing to get into the role
• Practice your authoritative voice
• Keep some sexual aids such as handcuffs and whips handy to demonstrate your power
• Make sure you buy the best quality BDSM toys to avoid any mishaps or accidents
• Confirm with your partner, if he or she is okay with the things and is not intimidated by these aids
• Try blindfolding your partner; suspense increases the intensity. (Sometimes blindfolding can cause anxiety in some people, confirm with your partner about it before you use this technique)

At every stage, communication between partners is important and the tops should ask their partners if they are okay with undertaking the various BDSM acts.

Plain Sex to BDSM Sex – Introducing BDSM to your Sex Life

When a couple is in a long-term relationship and boredom creeps into the bedroom, they do many things to bring the fun back into their lives. Some couples go on holiday, some resort to sex games, some resort to kinkiness and some take salvage from BDSM. Without being fully aware, many couples are secretly into power struggle games with one of them being a dominant or the rule maker (fixing dates, initiating new changes) and one of them accepting the rules.

Sometimes, the dominant person in the outside life inherently dreams to be controlled and can be a great sub in his or her sex life. What goes on outside the bedroom does not necessarily happen inside. If you want to incorporate BDSM into your sex life, the first thing you need to do is find out what you want to be. Do you have the makings of a dominatrix or a submissive? Master or the slave. Find out if your partner has the inclination to be in this kind of relationship before embarking on your journey.

Once you both are ready to accept your roles and you have communicated and talked this through, the next step is to research. Buy books on BDSM or read blogs and websites that relate to BDSM. Once this is done, you can get bondage and discipline gear from adult shops. Many online adult shops feature a wide assortment of bondage gear. Choose your equipment carefully and go through all the safety instructions. Again discuss this thoroughly with your partner and understand the consequences of this change. Discuss to what extent and how often you wish to participate in BDSM and come to some agreement.

This discussion is very important. Determine each other’s interests, limitations, fantasies and boundaries. Let the pace be slow initially, don’t embark on BDSM games as shown in adult movies and featured in erotic stories. Most couples who are together for a long time are good at communicating and compromising, so discussing BDSM shouldn’t cause any trouble. This discussion is no different to other things that you discuss, take it in your stride and you should be fine.