Nouveau or pro – Bondage basics you mustn’t let go

Bondage pros best learn their activities through first hand experience from an expert. The bondage expert demonstrates a technique for the beginner to try and then asseses their efforts. Even though this may be the best way to learn, not everyone is lucky enough to find a bondage pro. For those less fortunate, here are a few bondage basics that you must remember whether you are a beginner or a pro.

Equipment – The more advanced bondage pros have an extensive collection of whips, paddles, crops and cuffs. Browse the internet and you will stumble upon a wide assortment of bondage equipment. Bondage equipment such as hand cuffs and silk scarves vary in weight, length, texture and materials. Start with simple items at first and then go on to whips and other serious bondage gear.

Methodology – Bondage games normally follow the pattern similar to a roller-coaster ride – start slowly, climb a bit in intensity, return to a slower motion, then increase, then decrease. Each increase in either force or equipment is a little more powerful than the last. Each decline is not as major as the last. In this way, there is a gradual build-up of crescendo of pain leading up to the climax.

Tops – Tops or dominant masters/mistresses must concentrate on their actions since they control the bondage process. They should focus on their partner’s reactions and safety. When the bondage games intensify and the partner/submissive is bound, heart rate, breathing, verbal clues, facial expressions, sweat, blood, swelling and changes in the colour of the skin should be monitored to assess the safety of the bondage. Don’t neglect asking questions to determine your sub’s safety during the session.

Bottoms – Even if you are a bottom, don’t hesitate to voice your emotions, if you feel your safety is at stake. You should also be honest about your responses. If you feel your circulation is being cut off or you are not able to breathe, or don’t feel comfortable don’t hesitate to stop the scene. You don’t have to endure life threatening domination. There is no disgrace in asking to stop, if you feel your health is in danger. You will not be derided for being a bad slave; it’s your health that may be in danger here.

Safety – Ensure that your skin isn’t broken with any cuts or wounds or your circulation isn’t stopped by ropes or restraints. Check your hands and feet frequently and see if the restraints haven’t caused them to go numb or cold. Bottoms/subs should reveal any discomfort; after all, the dominatrix is not at the receiving end and wouldn’t know what you are going through. Safety is the number one concern during bondage games.

Effective Communication for BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism)

Spanking, tying up and punishing all look very polished in adult movies. We can’t stop ourselves from being awed by the discipline exercised by the master or mistress, the punishments that follow and the sequence of events that lead to great sex. BDSM shown in the movies and featured in erotic novels is always well organised and properly controlled.

BDSM beginners

When novice couples try BDSM at home, they are likely to face many problems. Sometimes, these problems make the moments tragic, hilarious or unromantic depending on the situation and the type of communication they have. If you have BDSM on your mind and your partner gives consent for it, there are certain things you must keep in mind. BDSM warm-up, understanding and communication is very important before you incorporate fun and games into your sex life.

BDSM warm-ups

Communication, warming up and foreplay is important for all types of sex, even if it does not involve bondage and punishment games. Communication between partners is especially important for couples who are new to BDSM. Bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism all involve one of the partners to be a top or a dominant and the other to be a bottom or a submissive. Tops or domineers normally do all the instructing and organising whereas bottoms or submissives merely obey the rules or commandments. This makes the work for a top more difficult because he or she is responsible for the events that take place in BDSM games.

Here are a few things to be remembered by tops to keep things under control:

• Get into the mood by catching some BDSM movies
• Wear latex/spandex clothing to get into the role
• Practice your authoritative voice
• Keep some sexual aids such as handcuffs and whips handy to demonstrate your power
• Make sure you buy the best quality BDSM toys to avoid any mishaps or accidents
• Confirm with your partner, if he or she is okay with the things and is not intimidated by these aids
• Try blindfolding your partner; suspense increases the intensity. (Sometimes blindfolding can cause anxiety in some people, confirm with your partner about it before you use this technique)

At every stage, communication between partners is important and the tops should ask their partners if they are okay with undertaking the various BDSM acts.

Plain Sex to BDSM Sex – Introducing BDSM to your Sex Life

When a couple is in a long-term relationship and boredom creeps into the bedroom, they do many things to bring the fun back into their lives. Some couples go on holiday, some resort to sex games, some resort to kinkiness and some take salvage from BDSM. Without being fully aware, many couples are secretly into power struggle games with one of them being a dominant or the rule maker (fixing dates, initiating new changes) and one of them accepting the rules.

Sometimes, the dominant person in the outside life inherently dreams to be controlled and can be a great sub in his or her sex life. What goes on outside the bedroom does not necessarily happen inside. If you want to incorporate BDSM into your sex life, the first thing you need to do is find out what you want to be. Do you have the makings of a dominatrix or a submissive? Master or the slave. Find out if your partner has the inclination to be in this kind of relationship before embarking on your journey.

Once you both are ready to accept your roles and you have communicated and talked this through, the next step is to research. Buy books on BDSM or read blogs and websites that relate to BDSM. Once this is done, you can get bondage and discipline gear from adult shops. Many online adult shops feature a wide assortment of bondage gear. Choose your equipment carefully and go through all the safety instructions. Again discuss this thoroughly with your partner and understand the consequences of this change. Discuss to what extent and how often you wish to participate in BDSM and come to some agreement.

This discussion is very important. Determine each other’s interests, limitations, fantasies and boundaries. Let the pace be slow initially, don’t embark on BDSM games as shown in adult movies and featured in erotic stories. Most couples who are together for a long time are good at communicating and compromising, so discussing BDSM shouldn’t cause any trouble. This discussion is no different to other things that you discuss, take it in your stride and you should be fine.

Sex Games in a Relationship: To bring or to not to bring

Ask any sex expert and he or she will list well over a hundred reasons why sex games are good for couples. But this same question has been vocally dismissed and fiercely argued against by some narrow minded people. These people believe that sex games are marketing gimmicks of self-acclaimed ‘sexperts’ who make money by conning innocent couples who are falling out of love or are trying to rev up their sex life. Here’s an un-opinionated case for and against sex games for couples who are wondering if they should or should not buy sex games:

The case for:

Every couple will agree that a couple’s sex life can lull after few years. People may find sex becomes boring or routine. Expensive vacations and adult movies resorted to by middle-aged couples are testimony to this. Some couples, due to boring sex, also fall out of love and cheat on their partners. Sex games bring these couples closer by bringing excitement, mystery and adventure in partners by fulfilling their fantasies, changing their routine and building anticipation. Sex games infuse sexy fun into any relationship and can help to bring couples closer.

Sex games are not dirty or sleazy; and are they are not just for kinky people. Sex games keep couples looking forward to coming home, to fantasise about how their evenings will turn out, to look back at what happened last evening the next day at the office and grin mischievously. Sex games have positive effects on many aspects of life; the happiness and satisfaction of a good sex life becomes apparent in almost everything a person does.

The case against:

Most ‘ordinary’ closed minded people flinch at the slightest mention of kinky experimentation. They feel it can be a scary and harmful practice that may lead to pain and torture. Sex games are thought to eventually lead to punishment or discipline games. Some also argue that sex games are mere gimmicks of sex experts who wish to sell their sleazy books or endorse sex toys and equipment. Some people also believe that eventually sex games become boring too.

Well, honestly, a sex game played too long or too often can become boring but there are enough sex games and new ideas floating on the internet to keep a couple occupied for a lifetime!